No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
