So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
