Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
