There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm like, not good at living.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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