he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My cat gives me a boner
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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