so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
