she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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