I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
