Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
