Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
