I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
