You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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