Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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