Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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