It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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