P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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