Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
