I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
