We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
