His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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