final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
