Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
