I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just tell him i said nine months
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
