I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, beer. Big fan.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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