I cannot find my penis.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
