I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
