College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
