Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
