planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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