It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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