my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
