Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
