They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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