I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
