I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
