You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
