after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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