dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
