Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
