Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we should paint friendship bongs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
