I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love accidental penises.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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