There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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