He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
