We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
