she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
