You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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