I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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