If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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