dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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