I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
