Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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