So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
