Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
cat food counts as protein by the way
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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