is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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