I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
