Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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