Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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