so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
