there's paper in my vomit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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