Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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