my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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