I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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