I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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