her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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