just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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