haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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