i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
